SadOldTosser

Pie versus Pecker?

matty — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 15:43:59 +0000

Both. A delicious Pork Pie, which is approximately two feet in diameter and is going to be my dinner for the next 4 weeks.

Pie v Pecker. Comparison Sheet 1.

matty — Sat, 14 May 2011 19:27:24 +0000

According to Wikipedia, “Camouflage is a method of crypsis (hiding).” It is immensely important for birds to hide before a fight. Some birds, such as the House Martin, hide in chimneys before launching surprise attacks on any passing goldfinches. Others, such as the Sparrowhawk, attain a geostationary orbit some 15 miles into space before catching Woodpigeons at very close to the speed of light. Both of these things are a form of hiding. However, the Magpie and the Woodpecker, neither of ‘em, use these strategies. They both use camouflage. Let’s look at the Woodpecker first.

The Woodpecker’s camouflage strategy.

The woodpecker uses the classic First World War “dazzle” pattern, used by battleships.

The Magpie’s camouflage strategy.

The magpie uses the newer “Woodland” camouflage used by the German army.

The pecker’s strategy is entirely based on confusing the pie. The Magpie is supposed to think there is a World War 1 battleship in the back garden. The Magpie’s strategy is to blend into the background, thus rendering itself invisible to the Woodpecker.

Woodpecker strategy.

For : Initially confusing for a Magpie, as the sight of a World War 1 battleship would surprise far more intelligent creatures, such as me.
Against : The Magpie, thinking the Woodpecker is a battleship, would probably sit on it and have a dump.

Magpie strategy :

For : The camouflage makes the Magpie look like some sort of Magpie shaped soldier.
Against : There aren’t any Magpie shaped soldiers, so it wouldn’t really work. Plus, if the Magpie had spent a bit more time camouflaging itself it could have included some of the orange bits.

Result

Neither bird gains any advantage from their camouflage strategies. In fact, both strategies are next to useless.

First Round, 1 point each.

Pie or Pecker?

matty — Sat, 14 May 2011 14:27:27 +0000

A recent discussion turned into a debate over who would win in a scrap. The Magpie or the Woodpecker. Specifically the Great Spotted Woodpecker. Harry Hill has done this before, but only with silly people in even sillier outfits. No. Over the coming months this blog will be host to the “Who would win? Pie or Pecker?” This is to be an adult and detailed analysis of how hard each bird is and how their relative strengths and weaknesses could be used to advantage.

New Title

matty — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 13:09:31 +0000

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. A fabulous title for a fabulous couple. Here is the car they should have gone to their wedding in.

I have to love the colour scheme.

The tarts are in the oven.

They’ve Just Kissed!

matty — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 12:45:23 +0000

Each other! The kiss was marvelous. No tongues, just a simple, plain indication of their love for each other. Their marriage is now consumated, or consomme as they say in France.

And now, live on BBC1, Kate Middleton is about to present the news about her marriage.

The filling has now been cooked.

They are now married!

matty — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 11:54:18 +0000

Hurrah for Kate, Hurrah for William and Hurrah for the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland as well as the Commonwealth and various protectorates. We all await eagerly the official balcony kiss which may look something like this.

The pastry cases are in the oven and are being blind baked for another 6 minutes. I’m going to make a start on the filling shortly.

Almost There!

matty — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 10:58:39 +0000

They’re almost married now! Everything went to plan, just the registry signing and stuff to go, plus the mile long walk back out of the church. The bishops seemed to go on a bit, but I suppose they don’t get to an awful lot of weddings involving a Prince and a newsreader.

The pastry discs have been cut and are in the fridge.

The Right Royal Wedding

matty — Fri, 29 Apr 2011 09:07:12 +0000

Today, Prince William will marry Kate Middleton, radio broadcaster and newsreader who only just got married herself.

You can follow all of the action, from the build up to the vows through to the ~~post coital cigar,~~ wedding breakfast, here at the official blog of the Royal Wedding.

I’m making some special tarts.

Bread. Baker!

matty — Sun, 12 Sep 2010 15:47:18 +0000

Baker. Bread!

Huge Environmental Disaster.

matty — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 19:37:02 +0000

That’s what it says here. http://www.maidenhead-advertiser.co.uk/news/article-16522-in-court-over-pollution-at-cippenham-pond/

It is Slough, I suppose, and it’s quite a nice pond. On the other hand, four and a half thousand litres of liquid soap against 4.5 billion OSSPs of crude oil…..