Twat.

 

 

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+

‘*-

Dumb Briton.

This woman went to the audience. Personally, I’d have phoned a friend.

Travelogue.

It’s time to write another in an ocassional series of travel blogs. The aim is to describe in withering tones exactly where I’ve been and how jaw droppingly and achingly beautiful it all is at the same time ensuring that I appear to be at one with the locals.

Today I went to Sainsburys. There’s a map which shows you exactly where it is. I can’t really provide details of the journey, as this would be a gross infringement of my privacy and might lead to identity theft, but I can say that I went underneath a railway bridge.

On arrival, as seems so common here these days, I was greeted by two most beautiful beggars. Their eyes told a story of much sadness, yet I could see through it all the sheer joy, desire and will to battle adversity shining through.

After donating 23 pence to the Berks, Bucks and Oxon Wildlife Trust I took time out to think of what I would actually buy. First off, I thought, would be a chance to understand the local culture, what drives these people, what makes them who they are in this world, so I placed a copy of the Observer in the beautiful ethnic baskets provided by the local trader. I decided now to take in some of the cafe society which makes this part of the world so famous, so I joined a young couple outside near the car park after purchasing a “Latte” from “Starbucks”.

One of the pleasures of travelling to far flung places is to enjoy the sight and sounds of young people who are clearly in love. While some people take this to extents I consider too far, like the Leighton Buzzard Society of Train and Dogging Spotters, the pleaures gained from these experiences make a trip holistic in a positive way. Thus it proved, as the young couple admired each others tattoos and discussed their dreams. I wished them the best of luck and proceeded into the market to buy the fresh prrrroduce available.

And what produce! A chance for me to explore another of my passions. Fine cooking! With my life partner due to arrive back this evening from travels of her own, I knew that a rustic risotto was just the ticket or, as local parlance has it, “Do you want some?”

Queuing. Much has been made of this very strange British habit. I find it quite amazing that a country as backward as this one has managed to find a way of ensuring a fair for all system, although I find the segregation of baskets and trollies to be suspect and, in many ways, reminiscent of the USA in the 1950s and 60s. One day, all shoppers will be treated the same. That is my dream.

Talking of peoples’ dreams, my last thought as I left the car park and headed home was that one day I will see that young couple on the Jeremy Kyle show.

Green Blogging.

One of the side efffects of Global Warming is warmer winters and wetter summers. This summer’s been so wet that it doesn’t actually qualify as such and this has to stop. To this end, I’m cutting back on my surfing miles and I’m avoiding all sites that aren’t hosted in the UK, which is where I live right now, cobber. I’ll report back tomorrow with a thorough analysis of exactly how much global warming I’ve managed to prevent.

Credit Crunch Cooking.

Times are tough. With rising fuel prices,  house prices falling and ever increasing food prices plus the need to pay for the Olympics in 2012, Londoners have never had it so bad, apart from the Blitz.

One way to help save on outgoings is not to spend as much. One way not to spend as much is to cut down on the amount you pay for food. However, this doesn’t mean your food has to be dull. In an occasional series, I’ll be taking recipes from the Sunday Supplements and adding my own twist, by replacing oh so high cost ingredients with things that everyone can afford. The results will, I promise, be delicious and will delight both friends, family and, in this case, W.I. Committee members.

My thanks for this recipe go to Sylvia, who has contributed most robustly to this blog.

The original recipe was in a barbecue supplement to the Observer yesterday and is republished entirely without consent.

 

Sylvia’s take on this traditional barbecue dish is as follows.

Replace Fresh Tuna with tinned. Fresh Tuna is very expensive and can go off quickly, whereas tinned is cheap and lasts for years.

Forget about the peppercorns (pointless), vegetable oil (the tuna is tinned in vegetable oil) and cucumber, as this should only ever be eaten in sandwiches.

Replace the Prawn Cracker, which is foreign, and therefore bad for the constitution, with something more digestible, in this case a Quaver.

The Spring Onions can cause bad breath, so these are replaced with some old parsley.

The Wasabi mayonnaise is far too complicated and can be replaced with unadulterated mayo, fresh from the squeezy tub.

Finally, a piece of tomato skin is a fine substitute for a large red chilli.

The result….

Cycling

Do NOT click the video to play. You will probably be sick.

A quick question for you, Katetwee Melua. If there are so many f*****g bikes in Beijing, how come Great Britain seem to be winning all the gold medals? Eh?

Live. Olympics 100 metres.

With no Tyson Gay in the starting line up

 we can be happy that there is, at least, a Walter Dix running tonight.

The favourite is USA in Bolt, which seems like another odd name, but nonetheless he’s very fast.

Asafa Powell is running as well.

From Trinidad and Tobago we have Marc Burns and from the Netherlands Antilles, Churandy Martina.

So, the finallists have been introduced to the crowd, who sadly won’t be getting as much infantile pleasure out of their names as I am, and they are now assuming the “In the Blocks” position.

It’s Ready,

It’s Steady

It’s GO!

And Powell and Dix have a good start but Bolt has won with a new world record and he goes ballistic.

Now then, when was the last time somebody smashed the world record and won by a margin like that in the 100 metres at the Olympics?

Live. The 2008 Olympic 100 metres for men final.

I will be providing live coverage of the 100 metres for men final. On this blog.

Ann Darwin Appeal.

Ann Darwin has launched an emotional appeal. And one can understand why. While the poor woman languishes in jail there is not a thought from the authorities as to her poor husband’s whereabouts.

It’s one thing for the powers to be to say “He’s dead so you’re going to prison!” but suppose he’s alive? I hope her appeal touches the hearts of the nation, much like our lovely swimmers, and we find her husband alive and well.