At 00:57 this morning a monumental earthquake struck England. Early reports suggested a Richter Scale vibration of 5.2 and an epicentre near a farmer’s market. However, the force of the quake must have been much greater and I believe the epicentre was near Taplow. As I noticed the first unsettling motion I cracked a poorly phrased and rather obvious joke to my wife. Within seconds the quake had got so bad that the bedroom window had been flung open and I found myself skimming the conservatory roof before colliding with the bird table.