Shark Danger

After the tragic news of the shark attack in the sea off San Diego, I thought it would be an idea to put up a Public Information Post for the benefit of all.

Deadly sharks come in two varieties. The constrictors, which literally suck the life out of their prey, and the poisonous sharks, which inject lethal venom into their prey, which literally melts their insides (the prey’s, that is, not the shark’s, as that would be self defeating).

 A mouse being constricted by a shark.



A poisonous shark, having hidden behind a glen, delivers a fatal payload to a large, pouting deer.


A shark has a nap in a field after swallowing an Airbus A380 whole, leading to the loss of all on board. The evacuation took some weeks.

People often wonder how sharks can eat such huge prey. It’s because they can dislocate their shoulders, much like Johnny Wilkinson, before enjoying a pleasant lunch. They would normally swallow their prey head first, so the picture above may appear slightly contradictory. However, planes don’t have heads. That’s just a figment of childish illustrators’ imaginations.

Sharks as pets. I would have included a picture of a shark charmer in action, but it’s time for dinner.

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4 Responses to Shark Danger

  1. Jim says:

    Can you do a picture of a giant shark looking really really fierce and going “GRRRRRRRRR” and then having a fight with a great big bear or something? Cos that would be brilliant. I’d like that.

  2. D Attenborough says:

    I agree. I once saw a great big bear have a fight with a tiger, It was top entertainment. The tiger won, but you wouldnt have written the big bear off right at the beginning.

  3. Mr Outraged of Maidenhead says:

    My lady wife alerted me to your filthy outpourings as she, quite rightly, guessed that I would find your desecration of my favourite work of art worthy of my oppobrium. “Monarch of the Glen” is one of the finest images ever put on canvas. I have a reproduction of it painted on velvet from a Maidenhead WI fete and I suggest that you know NOTHING of art as well as fashion and breadmaking

  4. Jim says:

    I was thinking about sharks again. And Bears. It occured to me that they would both like salmon. Anyway, one thing I really like in films is when people having a fight come smashing out through a shop window. So it stands to reason the best picture ever would be people running away from a big shop window as a bear and a shark went smashing through it head first while having a fight. Yes. So will you do one for all of us please?

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